SOS: Save Team India, kick the saboteur out!

What has the Indian cricket team achieved following Greg Chappell’s appointment? Without much ado, let us take a stock of the man’s achievements so far. Since this is a post meant to criticize the man’s abilities, question his integrity with the Indian team, and motives of becoming the coach, let me first see the negatives. Of course, we shall come to the positives too, but later.

Negatives:

1. India’s best captain and one of the best ODI batsmen ever Saurav Ganguly is out because of reasons other than cricket. He scored a century in his last Test against Zimbabwe and India won the series (the first in over 20 yrs outside the subcontinent). In this process, he has antagonized not only the public but many members of the team as well.
2. Zaheer Khan, one of India’s most promising pace bowlers is not around.
3. Irfan Pathan has forgotten how to bowl those deadly outswingers and now in the team as a pinch hitter and at times specialist opener!
4. Yuvraj Singh is out of form.
5. Sehwag struggling to come out of the labyrinth as ever.
6. Dravid losing his technique, his form and his marbles too.
7. Dhoni’s fading away faster than one can imagine.
8. Humiliating ODI series defeat against the West Indies.
9. Glorious season record – 6 wins and 2 losses with 1 no result.
10. Team members turning into hapless guinea pigs in his lab of whimsical experiments.

Positives:

1. Commando training (all of 45 minutes!) in military fatigues, giving the team strength of character, Dutch courage, fighting spirit, sharpening of survival skills, endurance and lots of media publicity.
2. Entertainment on the form of making the team members play Musical Chairs to get a team slot (all in the name of ‘positive’ experiment).
3. The BCCI finally able to understand the methods of Indian coach and see merits in total disasters.
4. New soundbytes doing away with the earlier boring ones from the team management and Chappell himself. (Of course Saurav Ganguly's financial needs can be interesting to some.)
5. Reminding us all again that it was India who gave the world 0 (Zero), and be proud of it.

Despite all the above, the invitation extended to Greg by Cricket Australia to coach Australia is still valid. Of course, they can see as the whole world except the hypnotized BBCI is seeing now – Greg is doing more than a fine job in accomplishing his mission; the reason for why he is here in the first place. [I have told you about the Grand Aussie Plan before]

Greg is now saying that his experiments are paying off. (They are indeed paying off to him!) Hence, they will continue until the ICC World Cup 2007. In 168 days he will be standing before the moment of his life.

India was picking up from the last ICC World Cup in 2003 where it ended up runners up. Saurav Ganguly had the core of the team in his hands that could well be the champions in 2007. Now the head has been chopped off, the baby has been aborted. With the team in shambles, the guinea pigs still in the Greg Lab, one can only imagine what will happen to Team India when the ICC World Cup 2007 starts.

There is precious little time left to undo the damage this Aussie crook has done to Team India. The BCCI must take cognizance to the circus Greg and his joker-in-chief Rahul Dravid are doing and immediately give the Aussie saboteur the sack. [BTW, is this a mere coincidence that Greg took the team for a (farcical) commando experience just a few days before Buchanan's boot camp?]

A servile character such a Dravid is unfit to be the captain. He simply lacks what is known as – Officer-like qualities. He bats best only when he plays second fiddle to others. He is best in the team as a batsman and let him remain so. You don’t have to be the best warrior to be the best general choreographing a war. Leadership is an inherent quality, comes with the atmosphere you are brought up in. Make someone the skipper who can catch hold of an errant team member’s collar and say ‘I’ll bust your ass with the cricket bat next time…”

But, first things first. The BCCI should start typing a letter for the Aussie criminal called Greg Chappell with a touch of Aussie pedestrian vernacular that should read like – ‘Thanks for your services so far. Now piss off you pissant’.

Meanwhile, the Bongs can go ahead with Gregasura this Durga Puja.